 Office
Rules 
These New Rules Of The Office will be effective immediately...
DRESS CODE:
It is advised
that you come to work dressed according
to your salary.
If we see you wearing a $ 350 Prada shoes and carrying a $
600 Gucci bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better, so that you may buy nicer
clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be
and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We
hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year.
The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to
have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in
the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share
of the work is done enough.
OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future,
we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For
instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A will go from 8 to
8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40
and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In
extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker.
Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.
There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board
under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling
in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health
policy!
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy, normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim
Fast & take a diet pill.
Thank you for
your loyalty to our company DjXp.com. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere
Management ! |
MIXOLOGY
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